Seven Years Have Passed!

Seven years have passed since I presented at Marin General Hospital with blood in my urine. These have been interesting times in my life. My kids are now grown and off to college.

I was laid off from WildPackets in April, and haven’t had a steady job since then. I’ve been working on several consulting projects and developing Jewels by Mala with my wife. The website is launched, but sales are slow.

Unfortunately, most of the information on this site is now 5-7 years old. I am considering doing more research in bladder cancer when I have the time, but this website should provide you with a guide to how to do the research yourself. We still think Michael Broffman has many good answers, and continue to direct people to him.

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Update through 2003

I am looking over the website today and correcting any broken links. I thought I would take this opportunity to record my progress over the past three years.

All of my children are home for Thanksgiving and it is wonderful to have everyone here. Micah lives in New York City is doing quite well. Rachael lives in San Diego and is in her third year of college. She is studying architecture, which she has been talking about since she was seven!. Jessica is in Eugene, Oregon, where she studies journalism.

All of my health reports have been outstanding since the last entry. I had an MRI last April, but it was negative. Other than this, there hasn’t even been a scare. Many consider that I have been cured.

In October, 2002, I was laid off from Network Associates. After my trip to India in 2000 (see above), I proceeded to train around three dozen Indian programmers in Dallas. Network Associates subsequently opened an R&D center in Bangalor and eliminated my job.

I almost immediately got a job at WildPackets, doing basically the same kind of work with network protocols. When Bush went into Iraq, WildPackets had many cancellations and so they cancelled my job.
I’ve been working on packet analysis for NetPredict
since September, 2000, but they are also struggling.
I guess the most significant project I’ve been working on is the website for Jewels by Mala. The site is based on osCommerce, and I like the results. Please let me know what you think.

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Two Years Later

On January 19, 2000, I had a cystoscopy which resulted in atypical cells in the wash. However, I did not find out about this until several weeks later because I went to India on business and then to France for vacation. While in France, I went to Plum Village, where Thich Nhat Hanh (lovingly call Thay – beloved teacher) lives for most of the year. Plum Village consists of three hamlets: Upper Hamlet, where monks live; Lower Hamlet, where nuns live; and New Hamlet, also where nuns live and guests stay.

In India, I trained programmers at Cybermedia and visited the Osho Commune. This is a place where I had been in 1975! There were a lot of changes to the grounds of the ashram, but, even though Osho died, the atmosphere wasn’t very different from 1975. My wife had been there as late as 1978. If you go there, you’ll find lovely grounds and gardens, and workshops on just about any spiritual, psychological, or physical discipline you wish! I found it very much fun and enjoyed the food there so much.

Plum Village was another story. I arrived there during the Tet celebration of the Lunar New Year. The monks and nuns were immediately hospitable and welcomed me with open arms. The next several days were filled with feasting, consulting of the oracle, visiting the rooms of the monks and nuns, and talks by Thich Nhat Hanh. I found Plum Village to be one of the richest spiritual experiences of my life. I have such great respect for the sangha (community of monks and nuns) and this brought me even closer to Thich Nhat Hanh.

During one of the oracle readings, Thay spoke about how someone who thought they had cancer could be having a wrong perception and therefore talk themselves into the disease. After the session completed, I approached Thay with the question I had about my friend who was suffering with glioblastoma – the worst form of brain cancer. We took each other’s hands and Thay said to me, “Perhaps you can consult the oracle!” Little did I know that the results of my cystoscopy were not negative.

A little while later, in the room of the abbess of Lower Hamlet, one of the senior monks answered the question for me. He said that the person should live her life as fully as possible in each moment. Five weeks after I returned home, my friend passed away. On the afternoon before her passing, she went out to lunch with her daughter. She fully lived up to the monk’s response.

When I got home from my travels, my wife told me about the results of the cystoscopy. I went into a mild depression, knowing that I asked Thay about my friend, when, perhaps, I should have asked about myself! I wasn’t ready to deal with a recurrence. Is anyone ever? On Wednesday, March 1, 2000, I went into the hospital for a biopsy under surgery, as recommended by Dr. Neuwirth. Two days later, I found out that all the tests were negative. I could breath a sigh of relief!

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Another Year Has Passed

More than a year has passed since my last entry.  I must say that 1998 was much better than 1997.  I had cystoscopies in January, April, June, and November, and they were all normal – i. e., no cancer.  I am now on a four month schedule for cystoscopies.

As far as the rest of my recovery is concerned, I continue to follow the directions of Michael Broffman as far as herbs, vitamins, and other suplements are concerned.  I don’t want to underestimate the effect of these supplements.  I believe they are helping my body to cope with the foreign toxins that were introduced all of 1997.

I continue to play tennis and practice walking meditation.  Once in a while, I got to Anna Halprin‘s class, but not as much as I’d like.  I’ve dropped out of the other support groups I was attending.  My family and friends continue to be my first line of support.  It’s pretty amazing that I’ve come out of this with such a clean skin!

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Lessons Learned

To continue my story, I’d like to share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned in dealing with cancer. First and foremost is the love and support of caring friends and family. For this, I am very thankful, and don’t know exactly what to say beyond how difficult it would have been without them.

Secondly, I learned the value of doing my own research, and, at the same time, having the support of competent physicians and healers. I could not ignore the input of the doctors, but I knew enough to present a viable alternative. I am grateful to Doctors Harry Neuwirth, David Gullion, Francine Halberg, Sara Huang, Robert Belknap, Peter Carroll, Jeffrey Norton, Peter Klaphaak, and William Shipley for their willingness to put up with my radical approach to healing. When I think about the possibility of having had a radical cystectomy and compare it with the treatments I’ve had, I really count my blessing at having made the right decision for me. The radical cystectomy could have led to complications too numerous to understand at the time of the surgery. I am happy that I bypassed this option.

Thirdly, I don’t have any clue about the direct effect of the cancer support groups, alternative medicine, supplements, body work, and psychotherapy had on the physical healing of my illness, but they were all indispensable for my emotional and mental healing. To this, I owe a debt of gratitude to Dr. Martin Rossman, Thich Nhat Hanh, Leslie Davenport, Anna Halprin, Michael Broffman, Gail Teehan, Elyse Genuth, Dr. Van Vu, Dr. Patricia Frisch, and Alan Sheets for their contribution to my healing efforts, be they of the body, emotions, mind, and spirit. I guess I’ll never know whether these methods had anything to do with my healing, but I don’t want to think about how it would be if I hadn’t done them.

Finally, even with all the love and support of the people I’ve already mentioned, I have to acknowledge my own part in this process. I did my research, found a creative outlet for my experience in these pages, practiced mindfulness during critically ill times as well as healthy ones, and continued to look forward to a happy and healthy life beyond cancer. My goal has been to maintain as much mindfulness in all my activities as possible, including, but not limited to time on the tennis courts, walking meditation, computer work, and enjoyable outings with family and friends. My experience has been beneficial to other people, as well, through my web site, support groups and contact with friends taken ill by a similar disease. I am happy that I can help them, but not quite happy with the path that led me to the knowledge I have to do so.

In conclusion, let be state once again how important I think it is to combine the best of Western medicine with natural healing methods to come up with a treatment plan that can result in a cure. The process of healing the body must be accompanied by the process of healing the emotions, the mind and the spirit.

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HealthyWay Award!

Less than two weeks later, I received the following email from HealthyWay:

Dear Web Colleague,

Congratulations! Your site has won a HealthyWay Best of the Web Award!

After reviewing thousands of Web sites, the HealthyWay team has designated your site, “Yellow Stream — A Bladder Cancer Diary”, as one of the best online resources for health and wellness information.

A review and link to your site is provided from the Health Links section of HealthyWay. This section features links to over 10,000 Web sites, articles, and FAQs: Conditions & Diseases, Visit the Specialist, Disabilities, Alternative Medicine, Family Living and more. Only the very best of these sites are reviewed and rated by the HealthyWay team — and “Yellow Stream — A Bladder Cancer Diary” is among this select group.

As a result of its usefulness and quality as an online resource, we are pleased to announce that your site is a recipient of our Best of the Web Award.

ABOUT HEALTHYWAY
HealthyWay is an award-winning Web site dedicated to helping people get well and stay well. The HealthyWay provides a balanced health focus, combining the elements of traditional medicine, complementary medicine, and healthy, active living. We’ve built online health communities that overcome the limitations of time, distance, rarity of condition, and physical disabilities. Comprehensive, well organized resources plus a unique review/rating system helps people quickly and easily access relevant information and services.

ABOUT YOUR BEST OF HEALTH AWARD
To collect your award, please visit the HealthyWay Winners’ Circle (now defunct), which contains instructions on how you can display the HealthyWay Best of the Web Award.

Best Regards,

Angela Warburton
HealthyWay
healthyway@sympatico.ca

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One Year Later

Two days ago, I received a call from Dr. Neuwirth’s office that my cystoscopy from January 14 was negative! This means that there is no longer any cancer in my bladder, and I am well on my way to a complete recovery. It also means that I am in remission. What events led up to this wonderful result? I shall try to trace what happened since my last entry Father’s day.

The summer was difficult to manage because of the effects of the chemotherapy. To help myself out, I continued body work, movement, therapy, and tennis. I did as much work as I could and was able to keep up with my assignments. I played tennis about twice a week, and that was all I could manage.

In August, we took a family trip to Santa Barbara in honor of my youngest’s birthday. The trip was pleasant, but I was not recovered from the chemo. This, I was terribly exhausted most of the day and took restoril to sleep at night. My wife and I got along quite wonderfully, considering the three girls in the other room, and my inability to function most of the day.

September began with a wonderful experience at a meditation retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh in Santa Barbara. In a way, the retreat helped to prepare me for what was the beginning of extremely hard times. On September 9, I had a needle biopsy of the growth in my left thigh, and on September 10, I underwent a cystoscopy exam by Dr. Neuwirth. The needle biopsy was so unusual that the specimen was sent off to Stanford University. The result was that I have a schwannoma in my thigh, and the recommendation was to remove it.

Even though Dr. Neuwirth did not see any visible cancer, the washings had to be sent off to the lab for biopsy. Unfortunately, the result came back that I still had some displasia and carcinoma-in-situ. This result was extremely depressing to me, as I had counted on a clean result. Dr. Neuwirth, however, was not terribly discouraged, and he expressed confidence that a six week treatment of BCG would clear up any remaining cancer in my bladder.

On a positive note, my visit with Dr. Gullion and the accompanying blood tests were good. In addition, I had a CT scan on September 24, which revealed no sign of cancer elsewhere in my body. But these results didn’t help avoid the pain and suffering that was to come.

On October 3, I went into Marin General Hospital for a biopsy under anesthesia to confirm the findings of the cystoscopy three weeks before. The results did indeed confirm that I still had carcinoma-in-situ and displasia, and that BCG treatments would be the recommended procedure.

Meanwhile, I made several appointments with various surgeons to discuss my schwannoma surgery, and on my 58th birthday, October 8, I met with Dr. Jeffrey Norton at UCSF. His arguments for immediate surgery were convincing and he said, “I can do it Friday!” In addition, he wanted to excise the lipoma under my left shoulder blade while he had me on the operating table. So, on Friday, October 10, I checked into the hospital. In the pre-op room, I pleaded one more time to make sure the surgery was absolutely necessary, but I was overruled. Dr. Norton did agree not to touch the lipoma if anything went wrong with the schwannoma.

Well, nothing went wrong, and both masses were excised. I spent the better part of three days in the hospital, and then I went home. Getting up the steps was quite a chore, which I managed by sitting on a pillow on each step. I had to get around the house in a walker for about a week, and then I could use crutches. The lipoma surgery prevented me from using crutches to get around after the surgery, and actually this is what kept me in the hospital for the extra days. You know how they want to get you out of the hospital as soon as possible these days.

I started physical therapy with Julie Wong at ProActive Physical Therapy in San Francisco on October 28. She was the same physical therapist that my wife used after her hip surgery last year. Julie is marvelous and highly recommended. I thoroughly enjoyed working with Julie. She taught me exercises to strengthen my shoulders and my legs, which I am still doing today, even though I am completely recovered from the two surgeries. All in all, I had six sessions with Julie.

I felt I was ready for the BCG treatments by October 29. Whereas the treatments themselves involve inserting the BCG directly into the bladder by means of a catheter, the precautions necessary when you get home are strenuous. Every time you urinate, you have to disinfect the toilet as well as yourself, because the bacteria is still active. I found this part to be quite annoying, and to keep this up for six weeks was a major undertaking. Furthermore, after the instillation, you must try not to urinate for at least two hours afterwards, so you have to stop drinking all liquids at least four hours before the treatment. What a hassle, but it beats the alternative hands down.

During this whole period, I felt quite depressed, and sought the help of Leslie Davenport, sometimes twice a week. Her help and guidance made the impossible just difficult, and I managed to pull through the whole thing. In addition, I managed to attend Anna Halprin‘s class as soon as I was able to get around. These two women have really helped me a lot throughout the entire duration of my illness.

On January 14, I had another cystoscopy with Dr. Neuwirth. The purpose of this procedure was to check on the effectiveness of the BCG treatments. Dr. Neuwirth made two statements that game me hope that the treatments actually worked. He said that my bladder looked like one that had been treated with BCG, and that he could tell that I was taking high doses of vitamins.

Nine days later, I had the results. I had no cancer in my bladder! I had no displasia or carcinoma-in-situ! I was in remission! What a marvelous and wonderful ending to a very difficult year. Just two days before the one year anniversary of my gross hematuria, I found out that I no longer had cancer in my bladder.

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Catching Up

Here I sit, ten days after my last entry, recuperating from two successive weeks of surgery.  Last Friday I spent two nights in the hospital at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF), one of the best teaching hospitals in the country.  The surgery occurred on Friday, October 10 and lasted about two and one-half hours.  I was in the recovery room for about three hours.  The surgeon, Dr. Norton, excised both the schwannoma in my leg and the lipoma in my shoulder blade, both on the left side.  The stay in the hospital was made much less unpleasant by the kind and courteous staff, and, in spite of much pain, I remained comfortable.  At one time, last Saturday, there were ten visitors at once!

Getting up the stairs on Sunday morning was no picnic.  I had to sit on each stair and push myself up to the next one with my good leg.  I couldn’t use crutches because of the lipoma incision.  I’ve spent practically all of the last week lying in bed, doing mindful breathing, reading, and trying to get some work done.  There was a lot of excitement this week, as Network General and McAfee are merging, and I missed all of the parties and announcements.  On Thursday, I finally went out to see Dr. Norton, and yesterday I managed one half-hour sitting by the water in Sausalito.  Dr. Norton said that the preliminary report on both biopsies was that they were benign.

I’ve had a mild case of post-operative depression, as I feel much like an invalid, having to use a walker or crutches to get around.  Everything is starting to move forward now, however, and I expect to take part in some social activities this weekend.  Wednesday, I see Dr. Norton and perhaps have the first of a series of BCG treatments in my bladder.

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An Unhappy Birthday to Me!

Today I turned 58, but what a miserable day it was.  As you may know, last Friday I had my cystoscopy and biopsy under anesthesia at Marin General Hospital.  The results were not favorable, but also not so bad.  There was some microscopic cancer still on the bladder wall, but Dr. Neuwirth thought that it could be removed with one or two six week treatments of BCG.  The cancer was down to grade I or II, so, all in all, it is slowly going out of my system.  The BCG treatments start next Wednesday.

This morning, we went to the University of California at San Francisco (UCSF) to meet with Dr. Norton about the schwannoma.  I expected a forty-five minute visit followed by a nice lunch at the Cliff House and a stroll through the de Young Museum or the Palace of the Legion of Honor.  This would have been a lovely way to spend my 58th birthday, but Dr. Norton changed all my plans.  He wanted to remove the schwannoma on Friday – the day after tomorrow!  Dr. Gullion supported his plan, and it seemed reasonable based on getting that thing out of my leg before the BCG treatments begin.  I was in a state of shock about the urgency in his analysis of my problems.  He went so far as to say that the lipoma on my left shoulder blade should also come out.  So I spent the rest of the day registering for the surgery on Friday.

I was a bit disappointed because I had worked so hard to get appointments with neurosurgeons next Monday.  I thought that because the schwannoma was a nerve sheath tumor, it should be removed by a neurosurgeon.  Dr. Gullion did not share my ideas about the neurosurgeon.  He thought that Dr. Norton was better because he understood the oncology.  Dr. Norton has done many of these, so I feel confident in him, but the schwannoma will be gone before I have a chance to see the other surgeons.

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A Confusing Day with Surgeons

When I first spoke with Dr. Gullion about the schwannoma, he referred me to Dr. Warren, a doctor at UCSF to do the surgery.  On Monday, his office called me to say that Dr. Warren was going to be out of town for the next few weeks and recommended that I see Dr. Norton.  Well, in tune with my attitude about doing the best possible research, I didn’t want to see Dr. Norton without checking into the matter more fully.  So, I asked Dr. Gullion what he thought, and he wanted me to speak with Dr. Warren first.  Dr. Gullion finally called me back this morning at 11:00, while my appointment with Dr. Norton was at 10:45.  I also had an appointment with Dr. Warren, so I missed both of them through all of the confusion.  The point of all of this is that I want to be very careful about who keeps me from playing tennis for any period of time due to the surgery on my leg.

I finally took some time away with my wife over the weekend.  After seeing Leslie Davenport on Friday, we took off to Gualala, a small town on the Mendocino coast.  We spent two nights in different motels, each equipped with a Jacuzzi in the room.  We had a wonderful time.  The beach at Gualala is beautiful and awe inspiring.

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Copyright © 2004-2018, Jerome Freedman, Ph. D.