Author: jerome

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Down with the Tube!

February 26, 19997 – Down with the Tube!

My catheter was finally removed this morning with such great relief. The only bad thing about the meeting with Dr. Neuwirth was that the pathology report showed that more cancer had been resected, but this doesn’t change the treatment plan. We finally got the feeling the Dr. Neuwirth was behind us all the way with using the Shipley method.

We stopped by the Pine Street Clinic to pick up a powered form of the Traditional Chinese Medicinal herbs that Michael Broffman had prepared for me. Luckily, Michael was available for a brief conversation about the latest pathology report and Dr. Neuwirth’s attitude. He felt strongly that it was still in my best interest to proceed with the Shipley protocol.

Pine Street Clinic

Later in the afternoon, I received a call from Dr. Keith Block, an internist who has put together a staff of oncologists, herbal chemists, dietitians and others who offer a combined program of chemotherapy, herbs, diet, psychological support, exercise and stress management. He is a friend of Dr. Rossman and I had placed a call to him as far back as February 9. Dr. Rossman and I had several email messages going back and forth, and finally he called back.

Dr. Block told me that he had a holistic program that attacked the cancer cells at the molecular level. He uses intervenes nutrients combined with oral agents and a detoxification program to reduce the side effects of the chemotherapy. He uses fractional dosages for optimum effectiveness combined with patient comfort. The rest of his life-affirming program consists of nutrition, exercise, supplements and stress management techniques.

I really felt confused after speaking with him, as he likes to treat patients in his facility in Evanston, IL. While it is not out of the question for me to travel to Evanston (after all, I spent three years of my life in Chicago and three years of my life in Evanston!), I would be giving up all my support systems back in the Bay Area. So after an excellent guided imagery session with Leslie Davenport, a very supportive conversation with Dr. Rossman, and a good night’s sleep, I felt better about staying with the plan I already had in place.

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A Day of Work

February 25, 1997 – A Day of Work

This morning, I resolved to fix some of the bugs that had been assigned to me. In doing so, there is often enough time to surf the web while programs are being compiled. During one such compile, I started looking for information on Dr. Stephen Sallan. He appeared on the ABC news cast last night to report on some remarkable achievements in the cure of cancer. I was really impressed with what he had to say, so I found his email address and fired off a message. The content of the message was as follows:

Dear Dr. Sallan:

I watched your presentation on ABC last night and I was really impressed. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions. I’ll be happy to phone you if that is easier and if you provide your office number.

1. Could you please tell me the name of the agents you are using to achieve a cure? I was not able to write them down fast enough. I do remember that you use something that prevents cancer cells from constructing new blood vessels. Someone mentioned endostatin, but I thought it was after you spoke.
2. Have you done any tests with T2N0M0 bladder cancer? I have been diagnosed with such and plan to have Dr. Shipley’s protocol beginning on March 10. I’ve had two TURBTs. My guess is that you know his protocol very well. If not, I’ll be happy to send it to you, or you can find it on my website (see below).
3. Does your research have anything to do with concentrated Aloe Vera or Cesium Chloride? I have heard that these naturally occurring substances have great immune building properties. Do you know anything about them?
4. Are there any trials for bladder cancer using your methods that you know of?

Thank you very much for your attention. If you have a chance, please see my web site: http://yellowstream.org. Dr. Shipley’s protocol is available there.

I have found an interesting quote in Cancer as a Turning Point on page 95 that provides excellent support for my decision:

In contemplating the removal of an organ or organs, remember that Nature does not indulge in luxuries. As Galen wrote: “Nature does nothing in vain.” If it is there, there is a good reason for it. No substitute is going to be as good (Mother Nature knows best). An organ should be removed if the alternative at this time is completely unacceptable. You can always have it removed later. You can’t have it put back.

Other topics of interest from LeShan’s book are how to survive in the hospital and how to deal with despair. He also establishes four axioms for holistic health, which I quote:

  1. The person exists on many levels, all of which are equally real and important. Physical, psychological, and spiritual levels are one valid way of describing the person, and none of these can be “reduced” to any of the other. To move successfully towards health, all must be treated. All must be taken care of and gardened if health is to be maintained.
  2. Each person is unique. A valid program of treatment, whether it focuses primarily on nutrition, meditation, chemotherapy, or exercise must be individualized for each person. A standardized approach to a condition is not valid under this concept.
  3. The patient should be part of the decision making team. Each person in a program of holistic health is given as much knowledge and authority as he or she will accept.
  4. The person has self-healing abilities. Following the first three axioms helps to mobilize these abilities and bring them to the aid of the mainline medical program

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Thinking Things Over

February 24, 1997 – Thinking Things Over

I did not feel too well today. I had to go to Dr. Neuwirth’s office today for them to take a urine sample and an hour or so later, to Dr. Slattery’s office to have my teeth cleaned. While neither of them was terribly unpleasant, the combination was exhausting. At the dentist’s office, I experienced teeth cleaning with ultrasound. It seemed to go faster and easier. However, I chose “laughing gas” as an escape, after which I felt a bit nauseous. At home, I took a nap and started to feel better.

Having finished Love, Medicine & Miracles the night before, I started reading Cancer as a Turning Point. It became clear to me that there are several aspects to mind-body healing. First of all, there is the necessity of a positive outlook on life and your illness. Without these, there is no place to begin. One must therefore have something to look forward to and a desire to survive. According to Dr. Siegel, in his chapter on “Becoming Exceptional,” Dr. Al Siebert identifies the following indicators of self-motivated growth (and I quote):

  • Aimless playfulness for its own sake, like that of a happy child.
  • The ability to become so deeply absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time, external events, and all your worries, often whistling, humming or talking to yourself absentmindedly.
  • A child’s innocent curiosity.
  • An observant, nonjudgmental style.
  • Willingness to look foolish, make mistakes and laugh at yourself.
  • Open-minded acceptance of criticism about yourself.
  • An active imagination, daydreams, mental play, and conversations with yourself.

Dr. Siegel also identifies Al Siebert’s indications of a person reaching synergistic functioning (and I quote):

  • Empathy for other people, including opponents.
  • The ability to see patterns and relationships in organizations or equipment.
  • Recognition of subliminal perception or intuition as a valid source of information.
  • Good timing, especially when speaking or taking an original action.
  • The ability to see early clues about future developments and take appropriate action.
  • Cooperative nonconformity: refusing to be controlled by improper laws or social standards, yet choosing to abide by them most of the time for the sake of others — unless attempting to change them. In other words, and avoidance of empty gestures.
  • Being comfortable in complex, confusing situations that others find bewildering and frightening.
  • Keeping a positive outlook and confidence in adversity.
  • The ability to absorb new, unexpected, or unpleasant experiences and be changed by them.
  • A talent for serendipity: the ability to convert what others consider accidents or misfortunes to something useful.
  • The feeling of getting smarter and enjoying life more as you get older.

Although these are laudable goals, it is important for me to keep them in mind, but continue to make progress on my own. I am particularly interested in “keeping a positive outlook and confidence in adversity”, as this seems to be the most difficult area for me. “Cooperative nonconformity” also sounds good to me!

In line with these observations, Dr. LeShan talks about his psychotherapeutic methods, which focus the healing energies on directing our lives towards the needs of our individual structure and what provides us with the maximum excitement in life, rather than the traditional questions of, “What are the symptoms? What is the hidden lesion that is causing them? What can we do about the lesion, or failing that, how can we teach the person to compensate for it?”

So really, our job as patients is to find our own true nature and not let anyone cause us to deviate from our path. This means that we have to be blatantly honest with our feelings and forget being nice, at all costs. We have to take our lives in our own hands and find out where our bliss is. We need to follow our bliss all the way to complete health and remission.

This is no small task! It requires strength and courage to confront your deepest regrets and allow them to disappear. We have to get involved so totally in our lives that we forget our illness and allow our immune system to illuminate it on its own.

Cancer as a Turning Point

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Practice What You Preach!

February 22, 1997 – Practice What You Preach!

Today was an interesting day! I was feeling kind of down from hassling with the catheter. Taking a shower was a major production. I listened to tapes from Cancer as a Turning Point and read a lot in Love, Medicine and Miracles. But the turning point for me was when I decided to put everything down and create a fresh “mind story” to repair the wall of my bladder.

In this visualization, I envisioned a gap on the floor of my bladder where the cancer had been removed. Then I watched my cells construct first a bridge across the gap, and then I saw the gap fill in. The image was very real and I attribute this to an interesting episode of Nova in which a foot bridge was being constructed across a gorge through which a river ran in the country of the Inca’s somewhere in modern Peru, perhaps. The interesting thing about the Nova presentation was that the whole community turned out to build the bridge, and it was made entirely of grass ropes that everyone contributed to! So here I was, bridging the gap in my bladder with new cells constructed from grass roots of a concerted effort between all of my body resources.

When I came out of the mind story, my bag was full once again, and I felt one hundred percent better.

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A Day at Home

February 21, 1997 – A Day at Home

I had a fairly restful night considering that I had to take care of my own catheter! It was interesting to not to have to get up to pee! The catheter, however, kept me rather confined. It’s amazing how rapidly it fills up!

Home of my youth ages 2-14 in St. Louis

I spent the day talking with visitors, speaking on the phone, and emptying my bag!

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Home Again!

February 20, 1997 – Home Again!

The morning in the hospital was fairly uneventful. I continued to read and listen to tapes until Dr. Neuwirth showed up. When he did, he explained that he took more tissue out of the bladder wall and left me with a very thin membrane. To help the healing, he wanted me to keep the catheter in until Tuesday. However, he didn’t seem to find any more gross cancer during the TURBT. Although the catheter is rather uncomfortable, I was very excited that there was no more visible tumor in my bladder! He was even telling me to “fatten up” for the chemotherapy that was going to happen in three weeks. I got the impression that he was satisfied with my decision to go with the Shipley method.

I spent the afternoon completing the “mind story” on the practice pages and submitting my URL to the various search engines. Somehow, time seems to flow so much faster now. My guess is that once you are confronted with a life-threatening illness, you value each minute a lot more. For example, when I played tennis on Monday, I thought it was very precious time, as I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to play. Another example: Mala’s cooking today seemed to be extra special.

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Another TURBT

February 19, 1997 – Another TURBT

I went into the hospital early this morning to have another TURBT procedure done by Dr. Neuwirth. I was taken into the operating room about 75 minutes early, along with Dr. Rossman’s pre surgery tape! This time, I was not given the opportunity to have an epidural. Instead, I had a general anesthetic. Luckily, I did not experience any side effects from the anesthetic.

My recovery was a little uncomfortable this time, probably because of the catheter, but maybe from the anesthetic. I was rolled up into my room about noon time and immediately started drinking. I wanted to flush out the disease from my bladder as soon as possible. In between visitors, I spent the afternoon comfortably doing “mind stories“, listening to tapes by Dr. Keith Block and Dr. Carl Simonton, and reading Love, Medicine and Miracles. Later that evening, E. M. and D. F., two of my favorite tennis partners, came by. It was so nice to speak with them about how I use tennis as a spiritual practice and introduces them to visualization and guided imagery.

My wife is very clever! She talked Dr. Neuwirth into letting me spend the night in the hospital, which is not normally done after a TURBT. I was grateful for the overnight stay because I don’t have to deal with a catheter until Tuesday.

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Treatment Delayed!

February 18, 1997 – Treatment Delayed!

Mala and I went to visit Dr. Halberg again today for a simulation run through of the radiation therapy that was supposed to have begun on February 25. However, Dr. Halberg had spoken with Dr. Shipley and was told that the chemotherapy and radiation treatments shouldn’t begin until three weeks after the TURBT. So, I’m off the hook for three more weeks! I wasn’t terribly surprised, because the protocol, itself says that registration begins three to four weeks post TURBT.

Dr. Halberg also reported that I had a urinary tract infection, and I was put on Cipro for the next two weeks.

Next, we went to Marin General Hospital to register for the TURBT tomorrow. While this was time consuming, it was not particularly unpleasant.

I spent most of the rest of the day preparing my legal documents, including a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, which is a good document to have for your own protection.

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More Moving Towards Health

February 17, 1997 – More Moving Towards Health

This morning, I had a Feldenkrais lesson with Gail Teehan, a friend of my through D. B. It was preliminary lesson breathing and was followed by a short Functional Integration session. Both of these experiences were comforting and relaxing.

After taking R. to her friend’s house, I decided to try playing tennis and managed to play two sets without too much strain. It was wonderful to be out on the court again. One hardly realizes the value of activities one loves until it becomes inaccessible!

That night, I returned to Anna Halprin’s group at Marin General Hospital. It was another healing experience. The theme of the evening was water, and I immediately got an image of a waterfall I had seen in a photograph or movie. The water was flowing over the edge of a cliff in such a way that there was a substantial overhang, and one could walk through the waterfall and be protected from the water underneath the overhang. I drew a picture of this scene and wrote the following:

Here we have stupid Ninad –
He thinks that because he is empty of self that he is also empty of suffering and that suffering is empty of self!
Wait until next week!!
He’d rather be surfing (the web) rather than suffering.
He should learn to step on the rocks, stupid!

A little explanation is called for here. In the drawing; (which I shall try to scan someday), there is a picture of three stones that one would step on to walk into the waterfall. While I was drawing the rocks, I was reminded of the joke about Jesus, Buddha and Moses. They were walking across the Jordan River one day and Moses kept sinking deeper and deeper into the water, but Buddha and Jesus had no problem staying on the surface. When Jesus saw Moses sinking, he yelled back to him, “Step on the rocks, stupid!” The reference to my personal life was simple: I should “step on the rocks” of those who have gone before me with the treatment of bladder cancer. However, this is not my nature. I want to know what’s happening and have some control of my life.

The name, Ninad, was given to me by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in 1975 – before he was famous. He explained to me that “Ninad” means the sound of the waterfall!

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Copyright © 2004-2018, Jerome Freedman, Ph. D.